He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
