you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
