playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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