How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
