i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
