Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you didnt know i had herpes?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
