dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
