i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
