I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
