At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
