We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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