So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
