I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
