Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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