I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
