ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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