hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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