at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
