i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
