My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
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we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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