i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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