Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize