when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sarcasm needs its own font
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
