unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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