Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
