careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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