I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
