I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
