I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
