And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Someone came in the potted fern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
COCAINE IS GR8
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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