is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
