i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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