Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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