I want to have your abortion
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
