I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
