I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
