Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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