your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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