Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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