maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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