If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
