At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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