Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
