dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
