Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
third nipple confirmed
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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