Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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