Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just forgot I was standing up.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
