Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever