Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Naked Twister starts at high noon
What a dumb baby whore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room