Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
