No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
