I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
