you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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