You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
