Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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