im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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