lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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