Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
