Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize