I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
