K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
