I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
