Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
