In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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