My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
