I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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