so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
