the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
