Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
