I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
