I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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