hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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