please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today