Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.

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  (850): You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist. http://tfl.nu/9a73
  Replies (18) Good night (2198) Bad night (775)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.

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  (954): My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet. http://tfl.nu/5qcs
  Replies (48) Good night (1123) Bad night (2892)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.

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  (207): so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out. http://tfl.nu/wz4e
  Replies (16) Good night (4122) Bad night (1131)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.

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  (850): Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual. http://tfl.nu/97w0
  Replies (44) Good night (13438) Bad night (1288)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.

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  (904): I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom. http://tfl.nu/1lds
  Replies (12) Good night (998) Bad night (4056)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!

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  (908): It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?! http://tfl.nu/h7d0
  Replies (20) Good night (7998) Bad night (1059)
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  (914): View more from New York

  i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.

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  (914): i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life. http://tfl.nu/d0qh
  Replies (5) Good night (854) Bad night (2651)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.

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  (405): All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before. http://tfl.nu/9m83
  Replies (9) Good night (615) Bad night (1399)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.

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  (216): Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway. http://tfl.nu/lxny
  Replies (4) Good night (971) Bad night (559)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.

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  (262): Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs. http://tfl.nu/x449
  Replies (1) Good night (541) Bad night (972)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper

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  (780): I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper http://tfl.nu/1q8k
  Replies (8) Good night (583) Bad night (860)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.

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  (613): The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me. http://tfl.nu/tj8o
  Replies (2) Good night (975) Bad night (359)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator

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  (978): woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator http://tfl.nu/ric1
  Replies (9) Good night (890) Bad night (538)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Shania Twain would have been proud

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  (218): the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up (701): Shania Twain would have been proud http://tfl.nu/u6vz
  Replies (3) Good night (1043) Bad night (295)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce

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  (254): It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce http://tfl.nu/ukp1
  Replies (1) Good night (444) Bad night (354)

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