Plan B is the new Plan A
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.