dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS