Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
